Spy Camp

It was a fairly average day today, which is to say not as much happened outside of the usual activities:  taekwondo, school, work at the office, and a visit to the psychiatric ward.  Of course, that visit was just on the television - we were watching the next episode of "Moon Knight."  It's been an interesting show to follow, trying to comprehend and unravel as we move along with the episodes.  There are only six, but it pulls you along as you try to figure out what the heck is going on.

Taekwondo was another quality session, both leadership class and black belt work.  Maddie is breaking boards again, and she's getting learning some moves with the kamas.  

We read tonight, and Maddie has her plush posse with her to listen to the latest chapters.  The poop emoji stays with me, but the rest of the gang shows up each night and it's so large that I get to help carry them all back on a great caravan back to Maddie's room.  We still have the proper procedure for tucking in, and there's the custom of traded insults about smell, and then there's a few more moments of conversation about taekwondo or school or Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. or whatever.  The medication I'm on has me out cold not long afterwards.  The blood pressure seems to be going down, as the exercise is getting back into a rhythm.  Nevertheless, I get super tired at night, and we're all ready for bed rather quickly.

I'm writing our Spy Kids material for this weekend.  The idea though is to have our actors on stage in some sort of Spy Camp, which is a funny idea to me.  Going to a camp to learn how to do espionage on other countries and so on... just the thing certain other countries probably actually do have.

KidPak Adventures: Spy Games

Welcome to Spy Camp

 

CUE TRACK:  1 CLOAKED OPERATIONS (INSTRUMENTAL)

 

JEREMIAH, EZRA, NIA, MADDIE, and SKYLAR are at CENTER STAGE as lights turn on.

 

DAVID:  (entering)  “Welcome to the OSS Spy Kids Summer Camp!”

 

CAST cheers.

DAVID:  “You made it!  I spy some next level young recruits, ready to train for the OSS, the Organization for Super Spies!”

 

SKYLAR:  “I’m a little nervous about all this camp.  It’s kind of weird.”

 

DAVID:  “Don’t worry.  Even the greatest spies get a little nervous before a big mission.”

 

JEREMIAH:  (talking to his watch)  “Mission log:  Spy chief says it’s okay to be nervous.”

 

EZRA:  (to JEREMIAH) “What are you doing?”

 

JEREMIAH: “I’m talking to my watch.”

 

EZRA:  “But that’s …just an ordinary watch.”

 

JEREMIAH:  “…or is it?”

NIA: (explaining to the others) “He thinks he’s really a spy.”

 

MADDIE:  “He could be a spy.  Let me take him down.”

 

DAVID:  “Hold on.  Let’s stay focused here.  (to SKLYAR) Now what’s there to be nervous about?”

 

SKYLAR:  “It’s a new experience, that’s all.  I don’t know what to expect.”

 

DAVID: “Well in that case, let me tell you a story about a spy that I know.  One that faced the unknown just like you.  (leading cast to steps at STAGE LEFT) Have a seat over here everyone.”

 

CUE TRACK:  2 MR. SPY GUY

 

DAVID:  “Once upon a time there was a super spy named Nerdo who was at his top secret headquarters in London.”

 

NERDO enters and stands in front of screen at STAGE RIGHT

 

NIA:  “Aw… I wanted him to be somewhere else.  Like Arendelle.”

 

CUE SLIDE:  ARENDELLE

 

DAVID:  “Arendelle?”

 

NIA:  “Yeah, with Elsa and Ana and Olaf.”

 

DAVID: “No, there was no Olaf.”

 

JEREMIAH:  “Then it was on the Death Star!  Make it on the Death Star!”

 

CUE SLIDE:  DEATH STAR

 

DAVID:  “No, not the Death Star!”

 

CUE SLIDE:  SPY GAMES

 

NERDO:  (clearing throat)  “Excuse me!  Can we get on with the story now?”

 

DAVID: “Yes.  Quite.  Anyway, our super spy was tasked with meeting someone important.”

 

SKYLAR:  “Was it Olaf?”

 

CAMILLE enters STAGE LEFT

 

DAVID:  “Yes.  (catching himself) Wait, no!  Not Olaf!  He was supposed to meet a fellow secret agent with a mission.  One named…”

 

MADDIE:  “Perry the Platypus!”

DAVID:  “No!  It was not Perry the Platypus.”

 

MADDIE:  “But he’s a secret agent super spy!”

 

SPY KIDS and NERDO:  “Please?”

 

DAVID:  “Oh, okay.  Fine.  He met with Perry the Platypus.”

 

CAMILLE races off and quickly gets into a Perry the Platypus onesie as DAVID sets her arrival up. NERDO paces back and forth.

 

DAVID:  “Yes, Nerdo was in the Tri-County area, and while he was there, he looked around for his contact.  He was supposed to get an assignment from none other than Agent P, a semi-aquatic egg-laying mammal of action.”

 

CUE TRACK:  3 PERRY THE PLATYPUS

 

CAMILLE enters STAGE RIGHT in a PERRY THE PLATYPUS ONESIE.

 

CUE TRACK:  1 CLOAKED OPERATIONS (INSTRUMENTAL)

 

CAMILLE: “Hello, Nerdo!”

 

JEREMIAH:  “Wait just a minute!  Perry the Platypus doesn’t talk.  He just makes a noise that sounds something like this.”

 

JEREMIAH makes a sound effect like PERRY THE PLATYPUS

 

DAVID looks over to CAMILLE who looks slightly worried and then attempts the sound effect herself.

 

CAMILLE hands a briefcase to NERDO, who opens it, and reads a message within.

 

DAVID: “The mission was to go to spy out the land of…”

NIA:  “Arendelle!  With Olaf!”

 

CUE SLIDE:  ARENDELLE

 

DAVID:  “No!  It wasn’t Arendelle!  What is it with you and Olaf?”

 

CUE SLIDE:  SPY GAMES

 

SPY KIDS:  “Olaf!  Olaf!  Olaf!”

 

NERDO:  “Look, can you just make it Olaf so we can get one with the story?  It seems like I’ve been standing up here for ten minutes doing absolutely nothing.”

 

EZRA:  “You’re right.  He hasn’t done anything yet.  That’s why it was at this moment … that Nerdo pooted.”

 

CUE RUDE NOISE

 

CAMILLE is grossed out, and runs off STAGE RIGHT

 

NERDO:  “Stoppit!  I did not!”

 

DAVID:  “Nerdo decided to read the message.  It said not to worry because he would have back-up.  He was supposed to go and check out the land that his people were going to take.  He was going to…

 

SKLYAR:  “Arendelle!”

 

DAVID:  (sigh) “Yes.  Arendelle.”

 

CUE SLIDE:  ARENDELLE

 

DAVID:  “And there, he saw a land flowing with all kinds of things.”

 

JEREMIAH:  “Like cheese spray!”

 

CAMILLE walks out STAGE RIGHT with cheese spray, holding it out on display, exiting STAGE RIGHT.

 

DAVID:  “What?”

 

EZRA:  “And cow tails!”

 

CAMILLE walks out STAGE RIGHT with whoopee pies, holding it out on display, exiting STAGE RIGHT.

 

MADDIE:  “And ginormous cans of Beanie Weenies!”

 

CUE SLIDE:  “BEANIE WEENIES”

 

NERDO:  (racing over to screen to look)  “This place is incredible!”

 

CUE SLIDE:  SPY GAMES

 

DAVID: “ But that’s when he saw some other enemy spies nearby.  And these two were big.  And one was dressed as…”

NIA:  “Olaf!  He was dressed as Olaf!”

 

CUE TRACK:  4 PERILOUS LOOKOUT

 

TY and TY enter STAGE RIGHT, one of them dressed as OLAF.  Both look ready to fight with NERDO.

 

DAVID:  “Yes, fine.  Olaf.  Agent Nerdo was excited about this new place, but he was also terrified of these giant people.”

 

NERDO:  “I’m terrified of these giant people!”

 

DAVID: “Especially because they had the most terrifying weapons imaginable…”

 

JEREMIAH:  “Foam noodles!”

 

TY and TY go to get foam noodles.

 

DAVID:  “Foam…noodles?  Yes, they had foam noodles.  And then, well, they suddenly attacked!”

 

TY and TY start hitting each other with foam noodles.

 

DAVID:  “No!  You’re not supposed to hit each other.”

 

TY and TY stop hitting each other, look at each other, and then attack SPY KIDS.

 

DAVID:  “No!  They were going to attack Nerdo!”

 

TY and TY turn towards NERDO, and do a slow menacing march towards him.

 

NERDO:  (looking at TY and TY)  “You wouldn’t hit a guy with glasses, would you?”

 

DAVID:  “But rather than run away in fear, Nerdo stood his ground.  He remembered that he was told to come here, and that he would have back-up.”

 

NERDO:  “So where’s the back-up?”

 

CAMILLE enters, holding a random painted Nerf gun.

 

MADDIE:  “Perry the Platypus!”

 

DAVID:  “That’s when Agent P returned, and handed him a weapon so scary, that the two henchmen screamed in terror.”

 

CAMILLE hands NERDO the weapon, and races off STAGE LEFT.

 

TY and TY scream in terror.

 

TY and TY:  “Not that!”

 

NERDO:  “What does it do?”

 

SKYLAR:  “Whoever gets zapped by that will act like Barney the Dinosaur.”

 

DAVID:  “Wait, what?”

TY and TY:  “NOOOOOOOO!”

 

DAVID: “Nerdo zapped the two henchmen!”

 

NERDO:  “ZAP!”

 

CUE TRACK: 5 BARNEY THEME SONG

 

TY and TY act supremely goofy, using T-Rex arms, reminding everyone to say please and thank you, singing “I love you, you love me,” and eventually waddling off STAGE RIGHT.

 

CUT TRACK

 

DAVID:  “And the day was saved.”

 

MADDIE:  “And that’s when Nerdo did a victory dance!”

 

CUE TRACK: 6 WE LIKE TO PARTY (start at 0:27)

 

NERDO does a dance for just a moment until the music completely stops.

 

CUT TRACK

 

NERDO is left on stage for a moment in quiet, looks around and sees everyone looking at him, and then awkwardly runs off STAGE RIGHT.

 

CUE TRACK:  7 MISSION BRIEFING

 

DAVID:  “Right.  And so you might be wondering what the point of this story was.”

 

EZRA:  “That’s easy.  We can see all God has for us in front of us.”

NIA:  “And we don’t have to be afraid.”

 

JEREMIAH:  “Because we’ll always have someone to back us up.”

 

SKYLAR:  “That’s right.  God will always be with us, no matter what.”

 

DAVID:  (rising and escorting SPY KIDS to CENTER STAGE)  “Not bad.  I think you’ve got learned lesson number one.”

 

MADDIE:  “Awesome!  What’s lesson two?”

 

DAVID:  “Taquitos.”

 

OFFSTAGE:  “Hey, taquitos!”

 

DAVID:  “It’s time for a lunch break!”

 

CAST cheer as they exit STAGE RIGHT

 

FADE LIGHTS 

 

CUE SERMON INTRO VIDEO

 

 

Anyway, it was a good day today.  We're ready for sleep though!