How to Build Your Dragon

First things first - today we built a dragon.  In the pictures you see here, however, it's built slightly... wrong.  Blame that on Daddy.  For some reason, he was perplexed/challenged with the directions.  Maybe it was lack of sleep.  Or maybe he's just not that bright when it comes to anything related to carpentry.  Yet Madison is clearly not phased here.  Part of that is the joy of showing off her new creation.  The other part is the anticipation of getting another patch - we actually have thirteen patches on her apron now, each one an award for completing some build-it-yourself project at Lowe's.  This isn't quite the equivalent of girl scout badges, but for now it will have to do!

Here she is, posing with our friends that we met at Lowe's.  Both of these guys had help from their dad, and therefore built their dragons perfectly.  For the record, once Daddy got home, he fixed the dragon up, and now Toothless is quite happy to have fully operational wings.  Notice the shirts these guys are wearing, by the way?  This is the Porras family.  The dad has family in Colombia, which I am now spelling correctly for apparently the first time ever.  Note to everyone:  Colombia has no "u" in it.  At least, the country doesn't.

Anyway, moving on:  they're wearing these shirts because the World Cup is going on right now.  I don't know much about the World Cup, but have had fun learning about the Group of Death and some player they call the Atomic Flea.  The only thing I know about the last World Cup is that there were vuvuzelas all around, and they annoyed everyone a great deal.  In that vein, I went and bought a bunch of vuvuzelas to have.  You never know when that will come in handy.  Seriously.

So this year the World Cup is in Brazil, and it's a big deal to a lot of folks.  Hopefully, we can do something to get into the spirit of things - maybe play some soccer, or futbal.  Or at least play a soccer video game!  In the spirit of all this, Daddy actually wrote out a script for a skit we'll be doing tomorrow, based on the story from Numbers 13 with the spies, and the courageous tribe of Ephraim.  And, it has to do with soccer.  Or futball.

Anyway, here it is below:

KidPak Adventures:  Tribes
World Cup Edition

CUE SLIDE:  TEMPLE

CUE TRACK:  6 Champions Fanfare

NARRATOR:  “The World Cup is this week, as some of you may know.  Any World Cup fans out there?”

VUVUZELAS blow backstage.

ATOMIC FLEA enters, kicking soccer ball around on stage as NARRATOR speaks.  Carefully.  The kicking part, that is.

NARRATOR:  “Uh… yes.  Apparently there are.  But for those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, this is the big event, the world’s game, or just simply ‘the beautiful game.’  Every four years, all the countries of the world put their best teams together to win a game we here like to call …soccer.  Of course, to the rest of the world, it’s called futbal.  Say it with me:  futbal.”

ATOMIC FLEA (andaudience):  “Futbal!”

NARRATOR:  “The name futbal fits, because you can only use your feet.  Unlike the other football games here, where players carry around the ball with their…hands.  See how that works?  Anyway, this is a big deal.  Millions around the world are crazy about futbal.  Or soccer.  Or whatever you want to call it.”

CUE TRACK:  7 Kevin Beak’n

ATOMIC FLEA:  “Even me!”

NARRATOR:  “Ah yes, meet a World Cup hopeful.  He is from the tiny South American country of Luchadoria.”

ATOMIC FLEA:  “You may call me Reynaldo Ignacious San Hermais Villachez Maximus de Luchadoria.”

NARRATOR: “Or we could just call you Ray.  Ray is part of a team of soccer hopefuls – come on out, guys.”

CAST enters STAGE RIGHT.

NARRATOR:  “These guys have won a lot lately.  They’re no joke!”

RADIOACTIVE TICK:  “Yes, but this is a joke: Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team?”

CAST shrugs as NARRATOR answers:  “I don’t know, why?”

RADIOACTIVE TICK: “Because she ran away from the ball!”

CAST laughs, VUVUZELAS blow

ATOMIC FLEA:  “Which soccer player has the biggest cleats?”

CAST shrugs as NARRATOR answers:  “I don’t know, which?”

ATOMIC FLEA:  “The one with the biggest feet!”

CAST laughs, VUVUZELAS blow

NUCLEAR DUSTMITE:  “What runs around a soccer field – but doesn’t move?”

CAST shrugs as NARRATOR answers:  “I don’t know, what?”

NUCLEAR DUSTMITE:  “A fence!”

CAST laughs, VUVUZELAS blow

NARRATOR: “I apologize for that.  But as I said earlier, they are no joke.  But seriously, what is the secret to your success?”

RADIOACTIVE TICK:  “We’re blessed no matter where we’re put.  We just keep winning!”

NARRATOR:  “Ah, gracias!  This is in fact, the first lesson of the day.  No matter where you are put, God will bless you.  In fact, the eyes of the world were on them.  Would they advance forward to the Promised Land – to glory?”

ATOMIC FLEA: “ Come on guys, can we do it?”

CAST: “Yes we can!”

REF blows whistle

REF enters STAGE RIGHT quickly, holding up yellow card.

REF faces audience and announces call, while holding up yellow card.

REF: “Interference on play!”

RADIOACTIVE TICK:  “What?  What kind of call is that?”

REF:  “You guys seriously think you can play with the BIG leagues?  They call it the big leagues for a reason, amigos.  You’re about to compete in the GROUP OF DEATH.  Do you seriously think you have a shot?”

REF shakes his head at the ridiculous notion of this, and tromps off STAGE RIGHT.

NARRATOR:  “He’s got a point.  Guys, it’s over.”

ATOMIC FLEA:  “Did he say it’s over?  NOTHING IS OVER UNTIL WE DECIDE IT IS!  Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?”

NUCLEAR DUSTMITE:  “Germans?”

RADIOACTIVE TICK:  “Forget it, he’s rolling.”

ATOMIC FLEA: “We will swallow them up!  The Lord is with us – so nothing can save them!  Don’t be afraid of them!  Who’s with me!?!?”

ATOMIC FLEA shouts a battle cry (“For Narnia!”) and runs off stage RIGHT, followed by no one.  VUVUZELAS blow.  Yet RADIOACTIVE TICK and NUCLEAR MITE look at their feet, somewhat embarrassed, standing there on stage.

NARRATOR: “Only nobody followed.  This was sadly like an event in the Bible, where only Joshua and Caleb had courage to move into the Promised Land.  You see, fear holds you back – but faith moves you forward!  And these guys don’t have any faith, apparently.”

NUCLEAR MITE: (muttering) “Your mom doesn’t have any faith.”

NARRATOR:  “Don’t you talk about my momma that way!  Look, what’s your problem, Carlos Conseulos Villa Rica con Quistador?”

NUCLEAR DUSTMITE:  “You can call me Chuck.  Look, we can’t beat those people.  They’re stronger than we are.”

RADIOACTIVE TICK:  “The field they play on destroys those who play on it.  All of the people we saw there are very big and tall.  We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes.”

ATOMIC FLEA enters STAGE RIGHT again.

ATOMIC FLEA:  “Then change your way of thinking.  That is why I am called the Atomic Flea.  I may be small like a flea, but the God we serve… is HUGE. And He gives me POWER!”

RADIOACTIVE TICK:  “You’re right!  And from now on, people will call me …the Radioactive Tick!”

NUCLEAR DUSTMITE:  “And I shall be known as the Nucular Dustmite!”

NARRATOR: “Nuclear.”

NUCLEAR DUSTMITE:  “That’s what I said.  Nucular Dustmite!”

ATOMIC FLEA:  “Let’s take that cup!  Who’s with me?”

RADIOACTIVE TICK:  “For Narnia!”

NUCLEAR DUSTMITE, ATOMIC FLEA and RADIOACTIVE TICK confidently charge offstage with a battle cry.

NARRATOR: “And so together, filled with confidence they set out to do the impossible – to face down the giants and win that cup!”

VUVUZELAS blow.

NARRATOR:  “And in stirring fashion, of course they did.  Otherwise it wouldn’t be a happy ending with a moral that makes any sense.”

NUCLEAR DUSTMITE, ATOMIC FLEA and RADIOACTIVE TICK confidently charge onstage, wearing medals and carrying flowers.  RADIOACTIVE TICK is holding a red solo cup.

ATOMIC FLEA:  “We won the cup!  We won the cup!”

NARRATOR: “That’s the cup?”

NUCLEAR DUSTMITE:  “Yeah, what were you expecting?”

NARRATOR: “I don’t know, something a little more … grand?”

RADIOACTIVE TICK:  “It doesn’t get any grander than this, muchacho.”

RADIOACTIVE TICK takes a sip from his cup.

NARRATOR:  “Wait.  You’re actually drinking from the cup?  What’s in it?”

ATOMIC FLEA:  “Milk and honey.”

NARRATOR:  “Ah, the punch-line.  I see what you did there.  And so as this skit raps up, remember to be filled with confidence that God is with you, and you too can find your Promised Land filled with milk and honey.  It’s something you’ll get … wait for it… a kick out of.”

ATOMIC FLEA, RADIOACTIVE TICK and NUCLEAR DUSTMITE snicker at this terrible pun, as VUVUZELAS blow.

REF blows whistle

REF enters STAGE RIGHT quickly, holding up red card.

REF faces audience and announces call, while holding up red card.

REF: “Off sides!”

RADIOACTIVE TICK:  “What?  What kind of call is that?”

REF:  “That was totally weak.  All of you are out of here!”

REF guides CAST off stage.

NARRATOR:  “Uh-oh.  Clear violation of the rules there.  KidPak, thanks for joining us for Tribes.  Join us next week when we’re sure to have … a ball!”

REF blows whistle and glares in direction of sound booth, where it is presumed NARRATOR is.

REF:  “That’s enough of that!”

NARRATOR:  “Sorry.  The end.”

LIGHTS FADE as REF walks off STAGE RIGHT