Warfare

We've had struggles today, mighty ones.  Nana is inconsolable, irrational, illogical, and just not there at times.  Walking down the street, fifty degrees temperatures, pouring rain, refusing an umbrella because it rains in England.  Not wanting help, just wanting to go anywhere in particular, but no matter where she was, she didn't want to be wherever it was she was at.  Her mind is fragile, hurting, and searching desperately for something to grasp hold of.  We need prayer, prayer for peace, for rest, and for guidance as to what to do.  We need hope.  Mommy has literally worried herself sick.  

Madison did have a good idea today, at taekwondo and at school too.  She was sparring for a bit, working with ground defenses, and working hard.  She's done her math homework, and she's still working on an online assignment with Social Studies too.  In her spare time, she's been writing a book.  Yes, our daughter is about finished with her seventy-five page novel she's been working on in her spare time since about March or so. 

The Edges provided us with dinner tonight, a chicken rotisserie dinner and part of a meal train thing where different families come and provide us with something to eat each night.  It's been overwhelming in thoughtfulness, very moving.  Also delicious!  And look at these flowers they gave us!

We're just at a loss as to what to do with Nana.  We're worried she'll wake up in the night as she always does, and then goes down the stairs, out the door, and off down the street.  She wasn't turning around when I caught up with her this morning, and I only stopped her when it started to rain again.  She's used to the rain, she says, because she's from England.  She doesn't want help.  I get that.  I get that she wants to stay independent and make her own decisions.  There's this strange place where we need to accept help when we need it, and yet we often don't.  She could stay as independent as she wants, but an 87-year old from Florida doesn't walk out into the cold rain.  She came out with bare feet one time and a bath robe.  Mommy is completely broken, crying to the point that Nana is trying to console her and then we start it all over again.  Tears, hugs, repeated phrases.  It's all been very difficult. 

We've got a lot of people in on what's going on, knowing all about the situation and offering help.  We may need that soon enough.  

We had such a crazy break-through moment tonight.  Nana was on another walk, and was going to keep on going like always, and I was in the car tailing her like a private investigator.  She was lost again in her mind, and Mommy was somewhat sick.  I pulled up beside her and told her that Mommy needed help desperately.  I had to go and take Madison to taekwondo, but meanwhile, I needed someone to help Mommy, and help her feel better.  Something was wrong, I told her.  Nana immediately changed, getting into the car, and going straight home with me.  I ran in ahead of time and told Mommy, "You're sick."  Mommy doubled over and went to the bathroom, and I followed her.  Nana came in and nearly pushed me out of the way in order to help her daughter.  And that's what happened the rest of the night.  Nana watched over Mommy, cuddling with her, resting with her, making sure she was okay.  The atmosphere changed at about 5pm today from pure raw stress to a sense of peace.

At dinner tonight, the one that the Edges provided, Nana sat to eat with us, actually eating food as Mommy ate too.  In looking to Mommy to eat, she herself was eating too.  It was so peaceful.  I compared it to that time of having intense pain from kidney stones, and suddenly getting that medicine at the hospital that surges through the bloodstream to bring peace and healing.  It was nice.

It was so great that Zena's mother actually went to sleep tonight, and for the first time in four weeks or so, slept through the entire night without waking up, and walking about.  And because she was able to do that, we were too.  We said our prayers, glad of the sudden serenity and rest.