Welcome to the Referral Process!

Six years ago today we received the letter below - can you believe it was that long ago? Daddy was writing in a journal at the time, really officially starting with the first official moves towards adoption, getting things ready for the dossier to be sent off. We began in the summer of 2005, and got all the pieces together of what we needed by the end of the year, sending it off around Christmas time. The timing of this was a lot more significant as we thought at the time, in fact hugely so. At the time, we estimated (along with everyone else sending in their dossier at that moment) that our wait time would be six or seven months, as that was the average wait time until recently. Folks who sent in their dossiers a year earlier already had their children. So in our case, we were getting ready for Madison that very year as well. Obviously, that did not happen so quickly. Again, how incredible looking back the timing of this was - when we sent in our dossier:

1. For one, Mommy had cancer at the time - but didn't know it. We sent the dossier off, and within two months we were having emergency surgery, chemotherapy and radiation treatments.

As described elsewhere, this is a long process. Anyone who has gone through it knows what it is like. It took years. Keep in mind we thought we would have Madison in months - and suddenly Mommy has to endure something epic.

Our apologies to the other future parents waiting on their children: they were so anxious to receive their new daughter. So were we, of course, but we also knew Mommy was in no condition to go to China, or be a Mommy yet. So we were quite content when we were told the waiting time was increasing. It gradually increased - we saw the graph and charted out the rate of adoptions and saw ourselves on the list. All of us guessed we'd wait a year. Then it slowed down further. And further. Then a year and a few months. Then a year and a half. It was two and a half years later.

This is the remarkable bit. Understand this, because no one else really appreciates it as we do: when they say go to China to get your baby, you go - or you endure the whole process over again. In May of 2008, they told us it was time. And, it was at that time exactly that Mommy had recovered well enough to not only go - but be a Mommy as well. A few months earlier would have been too soon for her.

So, while others complained and grieved about the waiting time (which I do not blame them), we ourselves were actually grateful for it. We needed to wait, for Mommy's health.

2. The waiting game. The other side of the remarkable bit of timing is something I've chronicled here for quite some time: the waiting process is still slowing down. If we had waited just seven months to send our dossier off - if we had received the letter below just seven months later - we would only NOW be going to China for our daughter. That is a six year wait. It's worth repeating: if we waited just seven months later to send the dossier information, we would have to wait six years for our daughter. We do celebrate when we hear of the new families going to China - after such a long wait. But we do feel terribly sorry for their situation, with expiring paperwork, repaying fees again and again, and the longing for a child - not knowing when the wonderful moment will be.

3. The clear thing about it all for us is God's timing. Point one sort of nails that. Point three is something we all share, especially those parents still waiting. There is an invisible red thread, as described below.

"The Red Thread" is a symbolic saying very popular among families adopting from China. The Red Thread is an old Chinese saying that means when babies are born they are already connected to the important people in his/her life by a red thread. This thread can be twisted or stretched, but not broken.

For us and any other adopting parent, there was one child over there waiting. If we had gone over to China one week too soon or too late, we would not have Madison. Pure and simple. She is our daughter, and we are her parents. Though people were used in the process to put us together, we are matched by God Himself. She is perfect for us in every way, and we hope to be as perfect for her as well.

*****

Dear GWCA Family,

Hello and Welcome to the Referral phase of the GWCA adoption process. I am writing to inform you that your Dossier has been sent to China ! This is the first step toward receiving your referral. This email contains helpful information regarding what to expect during this phase; we ask that you please review this information carefully.

Once your dossier is received by the CCAA it is then registered and you are given a DTC or Dossier to China date. Some families also refer to this as their LID or Log-in Date, but to clarify, we refer to LID and DTC dates as one in the same.

Although dossiers are now registered with the CCAA monthly after they are sent to China , we don’t receive the dates from the CCAA immediately. It may take up to eight weeks for the CCAA to send us your DTC Date. We will notify you via email the day we receive confirmation of your DTC date from the CCAA. From that point on, you can chart the movement of your dossier by following your DTC month in our Places Everyone email.

This can be the most challenging period that you will experience, because after all that you have accomplished, you must now simply wait for your referral. But remember, this experience is what you decide to make of it, so think positive! J To help occupy your time, we encourage families to learn about the Chinese culture, language and history. Many families decide to start a journal to document their adoption journey. You can also take this time to plan for your child’s future, and to consider the many decisions that parenthood will present.

As you wait, you will undoubtedly have questions and concerns. It is for this reason that the Referral Education Team was created. This team is designed to support and educate the families who are in the period between receiving their DTC date and receiving their referral. Please be assured that it is our highest priority to keep our families informed with the most recent information available. You will receive periodic updates pertinent to your DTC Month or to your individual case, as well as helpful reading materials and weekly tips!

Every client will be included in a DTC Month email distribution list. Therefore, it is very important that you notify the R.E. Team with any changes regarding your contact information.

Finally, the R.E. Team will contact you with your referral. At that time, we will provide you with specific information and photos of your child. Once you have accepted your referral, you will progress to the Travel Team. The GWCA travel advisors will artfully guide you through the completion of your adoption experience.

This can be an anxious time, but it can also be a joyous one, filled with possibilities. We hope that you will approach the coming months with a positive attitude and a patient heart. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact us and we will be happy to assist you.

Congratulations! J

Beth