KidPak Adventures: Slam Dunk
The Slam Ducks
PROPS:
1. Large sneaker
2. Cluster of Basketballs
CUE TRACK: 1 WHISPERS OF THE GLEN
CUE SLIDE: SLAM DUNK
HOST: “Hey, what’s up with the Celtic music? It must be St. Patrick’s Day, friends. But this is a basketball skit! Let’s have some basketball music!”
CUE TRACK: 2 CALL ME UTAH
HOST: “Wait? Jazz? Oh, I get it. Like the Utah Jazz. I see what you did there. Seriously, I can’t do that kind of music. Let’s go old-school, shall we?”
CUE TRACK: 3 SPIN IT REAL GOOD-2
HOST: “Nice. And since we’ve mentioned the Jazz and Celtics already, see if you can hear any other NBA team names as we tell our story. Once upon a time, there was a mighty basketball team, and no, it wasn’t the Lakers, or the Pistons or the 76ers. No, this team was called the Slam Ducks. Here they come now! Listen to their mighty cheer!”
CUE SLIDE: SLAM DUCKS
CAST enters, quacking aggressively.
HOST: “Intimidating, isn’t it?”
CAST: “Yeah!”
HOST: “Hey, at least it’s not a goofy name like the Pelicans. Anyway, meet the team. They’re about to go off to the big tournament like Kings.”
DAWN: “Look here, team. Follow me and we’ll take you to the Promised Land! Let me hear the Thunder!”
CAST cheers loudly.
DAWN: “Now let me hear you howl like Timberwolves!”
CAST howls.
DAWN: “Great! I want you to go off and check out where we’re gonna play. So go spy out the court and see who and what we’re up against. Move, move, move!”
CAST rushes off noisily, quacking as they run off stage.
HOST: “The team rushed off like a herd of Bulls. That coach really Spurs them on!”
DAWN: “That’s why they call me the GOAT. G-O-A-T. Greatest of all time.”
HOST: “Wait. That was rather Cavalier. I thought G-O-A-T meant gassiest of all time.”
CUE RUDE NOISE
DAWN: “That wasn’t me.”
HOST: “Sorry. Fortunately, there wasn’t time to argue the minutia of why Coach was wrong. That’s because the team flew back faster than Hawks, and they had a lot to say.”
CAST rushes back onto court.
CUE SLIDE: BASKETBALL KINGDOM
Two CAST MEMBERS are carrying a staff that has on it a bag of basketballs, presented as if it is some oversized cluster of grapes. Also being carried out are some large shoes.
The two TEAM MATES with the basketballs talk.
EMMA: “Everything you said is true, Coach. It’s a great place!”
CAMILLE: “Look at all these basketballs. Fresh! Only a few Knicks.”
VICTORIA: “There were vineyards everywhere filled with basketballs just growing off the branches!”
CUE SLIDE: BASKETBALL VINEYARD
HOST: “Few people realize how basketballs are harvested in those Nets. But suddenly, the team looked sadder than Pacers fans at the end of last season.”
CAST MEMBER sadly steps forward with large shoe.
JEREMIAH: “But there were giants in the land! They’re feet are as big as Raptors!”
CAST gasps.
EMMA: “And smell how bad their feet smell!”
CAST gasps.
CUE SLIDE: SLAM DUNK
HOST: “But as bad as it smelled, it wasn’t as bad as how bad the Coach smelled.”
CUE RUDE NOISE
CAST reacts.
DAWN: “Would you stop that? That wasn’t me!”
HOST: “Sorry. That was a little sound booth Magic there. But here’s where the team told Coach how they felt.”
CAMILLE: “Coach, we’re doomed.”
VICTORIA: “We’ll never win. They’re Warriors.
EMMA: “Compared to them, we’re the size of toe-nail Clippers.”
JEREMIAH: “It was better when we were playing ball against the pre-schoolers.”
CAST cries mightily.
HOST: “Yes, they used to play against little Bucks under the Suns Heat. Why go back to that? Indeed, that’s when one of the Slam Ducks stepped forward like a Maverick and said something tremendous.”
BRIELLE: “Quack!”
HOST: “The others were confused by this, so that teammate continued.”
BRIELLE: “Let’s go at once and take the court! We can certainly conquer them! We’ll be like Trail Blazers heading into the Promised Land!”
HOST: “But the others disagreed. They were madder than Hornets!”
EMMA: “We can’t go up against them.”
VICTORIA: “They are stronger than we are.”
CAMILLE: “Also, they’re huge!”
JEREMIAH: “Next to them we felt like grasshoppers!”
CAST cries mightily.
HOST: “And that’s when the Coach said something inspiring.”
CUE RUDE NOISE
CAST reacts.
DAWN: “Sound booth, would you cut that out? I’m trying to inspire the team here!”
HOST: “Sorry.”
COACH: “They might be giants, sure. But you’ve got Someone bigger on your side.”
CUE SLIDE: SHAQUILLE O’NEIL as KAZAAM
VICTORIA: “Bigger than Grizzlies?”
DAWN: “Yes, you bet!”
CAMILLE: (to other TEAM MATES) “Totally Wizard! You know who it is?”
EMMA: “It’s Shaquille O’Neil!”
JEREMIAH, EMMA, CAMILLE and VICTORIA celebrate.
JEREMIAH: “Kazaam!”
JEREMIAH, EMMA, CAMILLE and VICTORIA: “Woot-woot!”
JEREMIAH, EMMA, CAMILLE and VICTORIA stop when they see COACH is glaring at them.
COACH: “Are you finished?”
JEREMIAH: “Woot?”
DAWN: “No. Shaquille O’Neal is not playing on our team.”
CAMILLE: (aggressively) “Booooo!”
CUE SLIDE: SLAM DUNK
DAWN: “Pipe down! Now listen up. We have Someone much bigger and better!”
EMMA: “Bigger than a Shack Attack?”
HOST: “Yes! Here’s a little Nugget. It’s someone who promised to never leave us or forsake us. Someone bigger than the biggest giant. Someone who loves us all very much. Do you know who that is?”
BRIELLE: “That’s God!”
DAWN: “Exactly! And if God be on our side, who can be against us?”
CAST: “Nobody!”
CAST cheers
DAWN: “Okay, huddle in team! ‘Slam Ducks’ on three…”
CAST huddles together, reaching hands in to middle.
DAWN: “One… two… three…”
CUE RUDE NOISE
CAST reacts, as COACH glares at sound booth.
HOST: “I’m sorry, couldn’t help it!”
DAWN shakes head at sound booth and gets CAST to try again with huddle.
DAWN: “One… two… three…”
CAST huddles together quickly, doing a chant that gets louder and louder.
CAST: “Slam Ducks! Quack, quack, quack, quack…!”
HOST: “ And that’s when they blasted off like Rockets towards the Promised Land.”
CAST runs off stage, excited and noisy.
HOST: “And so, remember that no matter how big your biggest problem, God is bigger! The end.”
LIGHTS FADE.
Leprechauns Love Basketball
[instrumental intro]
[verse 1]
Leprechauns love basketball
They’ll jump and shoot for three
And if you try to block them friends
They’ll kick you in the knee!
[chorus]
Hey nonny-nonny hey-hi-ho
Hey nonny-nonny hey
Hey-dai-dilly-dilly-dai-dee-do
Hey dai-dilly-dilly-day
[verse 2]
Leprechauns love basketball
Don’t judge them by their height
‘Cause if you do, they’ll pummel you
and start a nasty fight
[chorus]
[bridge]
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey!
[instrumental]
[verse 3]
Leprechauns love basketball
Who cares about the score
They’ll jump real high, spit in your eye
And knock you to the floor!
[chorus]
Hey nonny-nonny hey-hi-ho
Hey nonny-nonny hey
Hey-dai-dilly-dilly-dai-dee-do
Hey dai-dilly-dilly-day
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