The Secret Cow Society

Madison went to church again tonight, and as you can see above she was having a good time.  This is her standard silly face, a picture taken just after our service tonight in the office.  Daddy's elbow is resting on a cage for a dumbo rat, one we call Ratzilla, but one its owner calls Willow.  We had a few pets visit tonight, also including a bearded dragon.  The name sounds pretty impressive, but it is in essence a tubby lizard.  Or, perhaps this one was tubby because of his diet.  Regardless, we had more pets for our animal theme - Daddy knew someone who had these animals, and we arranged to put them in a skit, and a really weird one at that.  This has to do with the fact it was written rather hastily, and needed to involve the two pets, and also the story of Rebecca and the camels.  But sometimes writing something under immense pressure can turn out well, and that was indeed the case tonight - it was bizarre, fun, and there was actually a point to it all in the end.

Today was obviously a work day for Daddy.  And it was a play day for Madison, who has been obsessed with the ponies lately.  She has them on with a marathon on the television, and has them all lined up on the kitchen floor, along with pony outfits and so forth.  It's pony-palooza!

Mommy, of course, is still trying to catch up with the housework and so forth.  She also got some things done outside as well, but she's getting the house ship-shape, especially because we have some visitors coming on Sunday:  Nana and Ba-Ba are coming up for an appointment, so we'll be seeing them rather soon.

Anyway, I'll post the script here below, simply to share one of the more weird things I've ever written.  But again:  it was well-received, so we went home content in that regard.  And of course the rest of the service was fantastic, from worship to the message at the end.  It was good to be back!

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NARRATOR:  “Once upon a time, there was a lowly Bible person named Pepe.”

PEPE enters, dressed in Bible clothing.

NARRATOR:  “Here he comes now.  Look at Pepe.  He is indeed a lowly Bible person.”

PEPE:  “What are you talking about?”

NARRATOR:  “Your clothing.  It’s Bible clothing, right?”

PEPE: “No, this is actually something I got at Sears.”

NARRATOR:  “Wha?”

PEPE:  “It’s a new trend.  Soon everyone will be wearing Bible clothes like this.  Really comfortable stuff!”

NARRATOR:  “Right.  Anyway, he was walking along one day when suddenly he discovered something unbelievable!”

CALEB enters STAGE RIGHT with WILLOW, but PEPE is looking at STAGE LEFT, pointing at an Aquaman comic book.

PEPE:  “Aquaman!”

NARRATOR:  “No, Pepe.”

PEPE:  “Aquaman!  Look right there, it’s the one where he’s battling a shark!”

NARRATOR: “ Behind you!”

PEPE turns to see CALEB, and runs to him.

NARRATOR:  “Yes, it was then that Pepe noticed the poor boy and a… a… what is that thing?”

PEPE:  “This is a dumbo rat.”

NARRATOR:  “Why is it called that?”

PEPE:  “It’s better than calling it Big Honkin’ Ratzilla.”

NARRATOR:  “Good point.  What’s his name?”

PEPE asks CALEB, and tells the NARRATOR:  “Willow.”

NARRATOR:  “Well just moments ago, this poor boy was taking Willow for a walk through the Mall of Georgia when he saw something EVIL.  Something TERRIFYING.  Something DIABOLICALLY MALICIOUSLY HORRIFYING!”

PEPE:  “What was it?”

NARRATOR:  “I can’t.”

PEPE:  “Tell us!”

NARRATOR:  “It was a BACK TO SCHOOL SALE SIGN.”

CUE TRACK:  HORROR

PEPE screams.  NARRATOR screams.  WILLOW screams.

NARRATOR:  “This poor boy and Willow … they fled!  Pepe, follow him through the audience as they show you all the places they escaped to.”

PEPE, CALEB and WILLOW tour the audience, showing off WILLOW.

NARRATOR:  “They escaped, fleeing down this treacherous path where all sorts of hidden dangers lurk.  But they did not know that they were heading straight for… a dragon!”

PEPE:  “A dragon!”

NARRATOR:  “Yes.  Keep walking.  A dragon.  And so, they made their way through the forest of no returns.  Which is a terrible place if you don’t have your receipt.  Anyway, they made their way to this platform, which looked remarkably like the stage.  Which is where Pepe met them to begin with.  And that’s when Pepe felt sorry for the poor lad and his big honkin’ ratzilla.”

PEPE: “I feel sorry for you.  It must have been a scary thing.”

NARRATOR:  “But it wasn’t as scary as the moment that happened just now.”

PEPE: “ When?”

NARRATOR:  “Now.”

PEPE: “ What?”

NARRATOR:  “It’s the moment… a DRAGON came out on stage!”

PEPE:  “NOOOOOOO!”

JAYLA enters with a bearded dragon.

PEPE:  “That’s a dragon.”

NARRATOR:  “Yes.  It’s a bearded dragon.  Cute little fella, isn’t he?  But here’s the deal.  Both of these pets were traumatized.  For both of their owners had seen … oh, it’s too awful.”

PEPE: “ Not again.”

NARRATOR:  “Yes, they saw a BACK TO SCHOOL SALE SIGN.”

CUE TRACK:  HORROR

PEPE screams.  NARRATOR screams.  BEARDED DRAGON screams.

NARRATOR:  “It’s true.  That’s when this poor girl and her pet bearded dragon fled- fled I tell you!”

PEPE:  “Not again.”

PEPE leads JAYLA and bearded dragon through audience.  As they tour the audience…

NARRATOR: “ Yes, they went down the scary path through the Forest of Gumps, and the past the dangerous jungles filled with wild, man-eating …rabbits!”

PEPE:  “Rabbits.”

NARRATOR:  “Yes, the fluffy ones are the most dangerous, the ones with those little scary little teeth that do that little nibbly thing.  Frightening!”

PEPE: “Do you mind?  You’re scaring the kids.”

NARRATOR:  “Anyway, they moved all the way through the terrifying trail, which just so happened to get them straight back to the this platform area that looked remarkably like our stage, where we just were moments ago.”

PEPE: “Well whaddya know.”

NARRATOR: “So the trouble was this:  there was a need.  These poor kids were there, with their animals.  And there was nobody to help.  And that’s when Pepe stepped forward with courage.”

PEPE:  “Here.  This will brighten your day.”

PEPE hands them each gift cards.

PEPE:  “Gift cards… to SEARS!  Each one of these cards has fifteen thousand dollars on it.”

NARRATOR:  “Wow!  Now kids, you can buy yourself a new weedeater, a new grill, a new washer and dryer, a new lawnmower, a new taco stain removal kit…”

PEPE:  “Do you mind?”

NARRATOR: “ And a new Land’s End T-Shirt.”

PEPE:  “Are you done?”

NARRATOR: “ Yes.”

PEPE:  “Good.  Now take these, and go!  Tell them at Sears that I sent you.  They’ll take good care of you.”

JAYLA and CALEB exit STAGE RIGHT with animals.

NARRATOR:  “At this point, Pepe smiled and sighed.”

PEPE sighs loudly.

NARRATOR:  “He had done a good thing.  He didn’t have to, but he had a good heart.  And little did he realize it, but someone else was watching: Monsuier La Vache..”

LA VACHE enters STAGE RIGHT, with VEAL, both dressed as cows.

LA VACHE:  “Hello, my friend.  I am the one they call Monsuier La Vache.  This is my associate, Monsuier Veal.”

VEAL:  “Bonjuour.”

PEPE: “ Bonjour?”

VEAL:  “Le Moo.”

LA VACHE:  “We are the secret French cow society.”

PEPE:  “What?”

VEAL:  “You probably didn’t notice us in this pasture behind you there.  Because we were dressed as cows.”

PEPE: “ What’s going on?”

LA VACHE: “Each year our society members hide in fields, and watch.  We watch.”

VEAL:  “We watch.  Moo.”

LA VACHE: “ We watch and see who has a good heart.  Who is worthy!”

PEPE:  “Worthy of what?”

LA VACHE: “Of what else, my friend?  Worthy of a lifetime subscription to Aquaman.”

PEPE:  “Me?

VEAL:  “Oui.  And a cow calendar.  Congratulations.”

NARRATOR: “ This was no doubt the most exciting moment of Pepe’s young adult life.”

PEPE:  “This is the most exciting moment of my young adult life!”

LA VACHE:  “Come with us, and we'll give you all the details.”

VEAL:  "And a free cowbell."

NARRATOR:  “And so, the three left the scene, with Pepe being rewarded for his good heart and efforts.”

VEAL:  “Adieu.”

NARRATOR: “ But the thing is this:  God is watching YOU right now.  And He’s got something even greater than a lifetime subscription to Aquaman.  He’s watching to see who has a good a good heart.  Is that you?”

Let audience answer.

NARRATOR: “Good.  And from all of us here, adieu!”