Never Forget

I suppose we'll start here with this for today.  I haven't written anything the last few days, because this is a terrible time in our lives.  I suppose we'll some day look back on this all and see glimpses of something greater working through it all. But at the moment, it's not a time we would especially want to revisit.  In fact, I suppose we're joining the rest of the world when saying the year 2020 is not something we'd like to revisit that much at all.   This somewhat lines up with the image above, painted at Madison's middle school in remembrance of another time that on hand, you wish you could forget but on the other, you don't dare.  Because in the midst of such a national tragedy unlike any other, there were heroes and there were selfless acts of bravery and sacrifice.  And despite the pain and anguish of that day, despite the death and carnage, we can't forget what was done for others, and the true definition of love.  And we can't forget how much of a wisp this life we live really is.  

Tonight, we told Madison about the passing of her grandfather, who we affectionally have called Ba-Ba on these pages.  It is very difficult to write her reaction here as a parent, because it was how any of us would react when hearing about the passing of someone we truly loved.  He loved you too, Madison.  He loved you so much, and his face lit up with such joy upon seeing you.  He was there at our house when you first came here to stay with us, and he made trips all the way up here just to see you.  He was a good man, one filled with patience and love.  In all my recollections of him, I have no negative memories of him whatsoever, no time that I can think of where he was cross or short with anyone, at least in a way that that other person didn't have it coming.  He was always doing things for you, as best as he could.  He was so selfless that when his dog Shadow passed away, a faithful friend for so many years, he didn't tell us right away.  We had just arrived for a visit, and he didn't want to spoil our time with any bad news.  So he kept his grief inside, because he was thinking of us first.  His last words to me were to thank me for coming down, to thank me for taking care of his wife.  Even then he was thinking of other people first, expressing gratitude.  There are so many memories coming back to us, and as I pour through pictures of him in this blog and on other places, each one brings back a happy occasion, and a time that he brought us such joy.

It's been a tough night.  We've been holding on to this grief, but now Madison is sharing it, and the wound is reopened for all of us.  Tears have flowed freely, and loud cries as well.  We were at church tonight when she found out.  Camille was on the phone with her right away, and bless her for being there for us in this time, and bless her for talking with Madison for over an hour, helping her through all this immense sadness.

Madison's spirits improved somewhat, this despite the dull heartache that we all feel within, and we even went to get a milkshake afterwards before bed.  Tonight we were praying, and it felt odd not praying for Ba-Ba anymore, not praying for his healing or a miracle there.  But we prayed, and afterwards we watched  some Disney Channel comedies afterwards, just to help lighten our spirits.

We miss Mommy so much right now.  She's going through such a difficult time.  She was at the funeral home today, and on top of that the real estate agent was there.  The condo is going on the market soon, and they have to pack a lot of that stuff in the coming days.  A lot is going on right now, but Ba-Ba had a plan, and a place at a cemetery at Cape Canaveral National Cemetery.  We'll be there soon enough, and we'll revisit there as often as we can.  We will never forget.