Ballet Camp 2014

Here's our little ballerina again at the end of Ballet Camp.  The last fifteen minutes of the three hour session ended with a mini-recital that the parents could enjoy too.  Madison is posing, as are all the other ballerinas - Daddy just caught this pose right in the middle of the performance and it was pretty cute!  The big finale was them dancing to "Everything is Awesome," which makes for a nice theme of the day of course - later on in the evening was the Summer Movie Bash, where we'd watch "The LEGO Movie" at KidPak.

But let's talk about the dancing first:  Madison did really good!  There were a lot of older kids in the group, but Madison kept up with them very well.  Lately, she's been into doing group dances, and keeping up with the rest of the dancing crew.  She loves doing it, and it showed.  Despite the challenge in front of her, she was pretty fearless, doing her best to dance with the rest.  We were pretty impressed!  Way to go, Madison!

And next, we were at Summer Movie Bash.  Of course, there was dinner at Chick-Fil-A first - and then Dairy Queen for some Dilly Bars.  And after that... Summer Movie Bash, where everything was awesome!

It was a fun night - we've been holding off on watching the movie since the release date on Tuesday.  We did see it in February, of course, but it's been a while.  All the kids really loved it, and of course Madison did too.  You can see her munching on popcorn and snacks with everyone else - they had a great night!

Reading Program 2014

Great Going Madison!  The difference this year is that she's reading all these books entirely on her own.  We're pretty proud of her - above is just a few of the books that are recorded on the library's website that keeps track of her progress.  She's not quite halfway there, but summer isn't halfway over yet, and there were a couple of really busy weeks for her so far.  But she gets home and gets to reading right away.  And she does some math exercises too - we're doing larger math problems now, ones where you have double or triple digit numbers that involve "borrowing," which was always a bit of a hassle for me as a kid.  I thought math was cool, but hated when you had to borrow.  I have no idea why.  But Madison seems to be getting the concept a bit - it's a new thing, and Mommy and Daddy are being teachers with it, trying to explain it to her carefully.

We're trying to keep her busy with everything but video games - saving that as a reward of sorts.  Ballet Camp takes up a three hours a day right now - she's learning to do a bit of jazz dancing this week, which is also entirely new.  She's doing well though, and dancing to the theme song from "The Lego Movie," ironically enough.  I say ironically, because the day she'll be performing this is also the day of our movie bash, where we'll be watching that movie at KidPak.  It'll be a theme for the day!

And it's a theme of the week, really.  Tonight we left Cloud Cuckoo Land in the "The Lego Movie" game, opening a few new characters along the way.  Madison is really enjoying this game a lot.  We saved this for last, and it was late so we decided to forgo the movie in favor of just some solid gaming.  She really likes doing this, of course.

Daddy and Mommy had the day off in a way, although Mommy spent quite a bit of it with chores around the house.  It can be a big deal cleaning up after us.  In fact, this may be one of the new "big things" with Madison:  her playroom was a disaster.  It was the worst that we've ever seen it, a complete mess.  You couldn't walk in a single part of the room.  Along with Madison, we spent a solid hour and half trying to pick up the mess - and we still didn't completely finish.  We're considering what to do with that room.  I think the amount of things she's been given over the years has started to get overwhelming, so we're going to go through a process of figuring out what to do with it all.  A small purge is coming, as there's stuff there that she's clearly outgrown.  The blessing is that we know some parents with children that we could recycle this stuff to.

We did try to go to the pool today.  Nana and Ye-Ye even came over and met at the pool, but there was a rumble of thunder in the air that stayed around for over an hour.  It was distant enough not to be an immediate threat, but the lifeguard was playing it safe - so we instead went over to the playground.  It was cool outside, and Madison loved going down the slide and climbing around.  As an added bonus, she met a friend from school who happened to be having a picnic with her parents' softball team.  So it all worked out, as Daddy and Ye-Ye and Nana sat and talked for a bit at a nearby picnic table.

It wasn't necessarily a monumental day, but we did squeeze a lot in there, now that we look at it after the fact.  Daddy even got some reading in for a bit this afternoon, and we also got to sit together for some tea, which is becoming a pleasant addiction of late.  Tomorrow is looking to be a bigger day, of course.  Lots going on there - and in the weeks to come!

Roller Coasters and more

Today was a huge work day for Daddy, as each Wednesday typically is.  The show goes on for Madison though, who continued her work at ballet camp.  The funny thing at the beginning of the week was that we were sort of poking fun at a mom wanting her daughter to be "stretched and challenged" by this ballet camp - she was worried that this would just be some sort of fun week for little ballerinas.  Here's the humor:  Madison is being stretched and challenged.  I don't know if that other little girl is, but Madison certainly is doing all sorts of new things that she's never done before.  And doing all these things with older and more experienced girls is a pretty good thing, actually.  To begin with, I was a little worried actually.  Here's little Madison amongst a sea of taller, older girls.  But she seems to be holding her own.  In some ways, she seems like a mascot to a few, a younger friend that you feel obliged to look after.  But in other ways, there she is all alone and center stage, doing that jazzy thing with her shoulders, the thing she just learned two days ago.  She's a joy to watch - which is something we can see for the last few minutes of each session.  The door stays open, and all the parents crowd around that entrance to get a peek of their child, attempting the new choreography.

So we're looking ahead a bit.  Of course, it has been noted here that we're doing art camp next week - that much is certain and solid.  The other plan is to go in July to Florida.  This visit we may try Sea World out, as Madison likes dolphins quite a bit.  She'll see a lot of other sea creatures there as well - all new experiences, which of course sounds good.  Hopefully she'll learn a bit while there.  They do have some pretty nifty roller coasters there, possibly the biggest ones she's ever seen so far - up until now, the only ones she's seen are at Disney.  The coasters at Islands of Adventures and Sea World and Busch Gardens are quite impressive - Daddy has ridden on all of them (except this new Manta one at Sea World).  I love all of them.  I'm somewhat of a roller coaster aficionado.  My current favorite is "The Hulk" at Islands of Adventure, although the wooden one at Busch Gardens is amazing - it's called "Gwazi."  The "Dueling Dragons" gets you a little dizzy because you don't have a much of a view as you're tossed around - although it's unforgettable looking downward to see another roller coaster spiraling a corkscrew with you on a separate track.  Busch Gardens grows roller coasters.  It's a weird mix of wild animals and roller coasters everywhere.  There are honestly too many roller coasters in that park - they just keep adding more and more.  But we keep going back to test them all out.  Some day, Daddy will make the trip up to Ohio's Cedar Point, where the most epic roller coasters of all are.  And speaking of which, there's a new one at Disney that just opened this month, the Seven Dwarves Mine Train.  We ordered a special pin from Disney Movie Rewards for that, a pin that commemorates the grand opening of this new ride at the Magic Kingdom.  We may see that in October.  We may see a big line for it too - it just depends on what Madison wants to do then.  She may or may not be into the roller coaster thing, depending on the Shamu Express experience.  But if she likes it, maybe we'll even be heading over to Thunder Mountain.  Who can forget riding that, or Space Mountain for the first time?  the thrill of something new and just absolutely stunning the senses.  Space Mountain is one of the ultimate experiences - such a simple concept, and yet so amazing.

It took Daddy a long time to get on a roller coaster - but I remember riding the Mind Bender over and over again at Atlanta's Six Flags, and it was like Christmas.  I couldn't wait to do it over and over again.  And then there are the wooden roller coasters - The Scream Machine, and Daddy's favorite there:  the Georgia Cyclone.  Call me old fashioned, but I like that one.  Of course, there's a zillion roller coasters at Six Flags now.  There's not much else there for Madison though, which is why we haven't been there yet.  Eventually we'll get there.

How funny that I get really dizzy on the spinning rides, and especially those indoor theaters that have implied motion.  Those get me sick, except for Star Tours, which I'm thankful for.  But roller coasters are no problem.  Madison tried her first roller coaster this year at LegoLand Florida, and wasn't a big fan of it.  From what I see, there's a kid roller coaster there at SeaWorld called the Shamu Express - we'll probably try that one out, and a few other kids rides.  But the main purpose of our visit will be to see the wildlife, particularly the seals and the orcas.  And the penguins and dolphins.  After our recent aquarium visit, it appears she's into penguins a bit.  She got this pink penguin doll - Daddy bought that for her, and it's been in bed with her each night.

One aspect of the Sea World visit will be added insight as we go forward with a new series at KidPak, called "Going Overboard."  Or some title like that.  It could be "Under the Sea."  Still going back and forth on that, but it will have a underwater theme, somewhat like our Fish Tales series from a few years ago.  One message will be dedicated to sharks, and we'll time it with Discovery Channel's "Shark Week."  Also, we'll do a "Dolphin Tale" message, and time that with the release weekend of the new sequel movie, "Dolphin Tale 2."  Somewhere in this series will be a whole lot of under water movie watching:  you can guarantee we'll be seeing the "The Little Mermaid" trilogy again, and "Finding Nemo."  And probably "Shark Tale" again, although that is not one of my favorites.  But we'll certainly be watching some Spongebob in there.  Seasons one and two are near-essential viewing, and will be epic Father-daughter time.  How can you beat the "F.U.N." episode?  And seriously, that episode with the fishing hooks is a great one to show the power and danger of temptation.

But all that is the future.  As for today, it was work for Daddy.  Madison did math on her computer again, and some more reading for the reading program.  Her Inspector Gadget is slowly growing more pieces, soon to be fully assembled by the end of the summer.  She'll just look over and suddenly realize he has a new part.

She was up when Daddy got home.  That makes for a late night, but she wanted to wait to go to bed until Daddy got back home.  Unfortunately, it was a late night at church, and so she was up pretty late.  It's summer though, and we don't have to set the alarm in the morning.  Which is pretty awesome.  That's one reason to love summertime.  But we're just getting started - there's lots to love about summer, and it sounds like there's lots to come.

Visit Vulgaria!

Tonight we continued our geography lesson with a visit to Vulgaria, an obscure Alpine country where once upon a time, all children were outlawed.  I'm not recommending this strategy for any nation, although lately we've learned our own leadership in government is capable of essentially anything.  Enter the Child Catcher, a prominent resident of Vulgaria, who has a nice cushy job smelling out rotten children and luring them out of their hiding places with candy and ice cream, only to usher them into a large cage.  This is the guy we should be afraid of, seriously.  What's all this about a Slender Man or any other spooky character lurking about?  The Child Catcher was doing this thing long before any of you wannabes, and might I say giving kids nightmares long before it was fashionable.

That's why just before bedtime, Daddy came upstairs to visit Madison, who did her nightly ritual of hiding.  Only this time, there was added meaning as Daddy used his most nasal voice to call out, "I smell children!  I know you're in here....!"

Madison wasn't phased a bit.  Of course, she jumps out and reasserts herself as the one who does the scaring around these parts.  "BOO!" she cried out, and Daddy of course overreacted, jumping back in fear.

In case you have no idea where Vulgaria is, or who the Child Catcher is, these are references to the movie "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang."  We saw the second part, after the intermission, and Madison was anxious to see what happened next.  Last we knew, the poor car was plunging over the side of a cliff.  Of course, now we all know the car can fly.  Didn't see that coming!

It is a long movie, isn't it?  It was a good thing to do a two-part thing, breaking it up some.  We may do that more in the future with these old classics.

So today started as a most summer days will:  later.  We slept in yet again, but were up and out the door in time for work at the office somewhat - and of course ballet camp afterwards.  Madison is doing better now, catching up and more excited about the things she's doing there.  She's making crafts and dancing and having snacks and just having the best time - glad to be there.

She got home with us, and Daddy wasn't content to have her use the Kindle for more games - she's been addicted to "Where's Perry?" lately, on the ride to and from camps.  Daddy wanted her to add some more to her reading list, but the catch was that Madison actually read a pretty big book this afternoon - it was a chapter book, with quite a bit more to read.  But read it she did, and we're pretty proud of her there.

Yes, we did some video games too - we met Unikitty today in "The LEGO Movie" game, and got to see what happens when you get her mad.  This is the most hilarious moment of the game thus far - all three of us were cracking up at what we were seeing.

It's been a busy day, but lots of fun together again.  We signed up Madison for another camp next week - so June is officially going to be called Camp-a-palooza, as we've had a camp every single week this month.  July will be a break from camps, with visits from the grandparents, and hopefully a vacation somewhere. Speaking of which, October is looking better and better right now with another trip to the Not-So-Scary party in Orlando.

Okay, time for bed.  We tried some valerian root tea, Mommy and Daddy.  Not sure if it is making me tired or not, but it definitely tastes better with mint.

Tornado Pants

So we had another camp start today, which marks three weeks of summer camps so far.  We're tinkering with one more next week, or a few weeks from now - that's the art camp that she enjoyed last year.  We thought that was certainly worth it as well.  For the record, Daddy did ask her if she wanted to try out a karate camp, and she wasn't a huge fan of the idea.  I was stunned.  We all were stunned - I thought for sure that she would go for that.  But her own tastes and styles are developing, and I'm happy to hear that she is really enjoying dance class quite a bit.

The camp starts at 12:30, and goes on until 3:30, believe it or not.  That's three hours, which is a long, long time when you think about it.  The instructor must really have her act together to be ready for a flow like that, with all sorts of kids of varying skills and talents.  We did meet our first uber-mom today ("Eyes on the prize, Violet."), who wanted her child challenged, and was simply amazed that her child was chosen as the leader - I mean, not just the leader who goes out first, but in fact the very best child of them all when it comes to dancing.  It was sort of a funny conversation, because we're in that "just happy to be here" camp with Madison.  We got to see her dancing a bit at the end - that's when the teacher was trying out some jazz dancing.  Madison was doing her best to keep up - she said it was a challenge for her, but when you see her in this class, she's the smallest one and pretty much the youngest one (although she says there is another kid who is eight years old in the camp as well).  But she had a great time in class despite it all, and that's what she's there for.  We do want her to develop skills, but we also want her to have a great time.  We think that's happening this week, so it's a worthy investment - and we'll get to see a mini-recital on Friday at 3:15.  The instructor is using "Zero to Hero" as one song, and also another song that's been familiar lately:  "Everything is Awesome."  Yes, they'll be dancing to the LEGO song this week.  And also making a craft for their water bottles too - so that'll be interesting to see. I bet Madison's water bottle will be the very best ever! 

While Madison was at this long camp, it was time for Mommy and Daddy to get some stuff done!  Well, after a lunch date, of course. We went back to Texas Roadhouse for a nice meal, and after that dropped by the bank and the local Dairy Queen for a Dilly Bar.  The Dilly Bar has been our latest obsession - it started with Mommy getting them, and now the whole family has to get them.  For only a dollar, it's a big heap of chocolate covered ice cream that makes you smile a lot! And, it's got a silly name.  "Dilly" makes me think of pickles, so why call an ice cream bar that?

ANWWAY, we washed the car after that.  Now it doesn't even look like our car.  It reflects the sun the way all those solar powered mirrors in the desert do, blinding people for miles around.  Cars pull over, because we're now basically driving the sun.

Of course, it rained later.  Not that it mattered because our car was in the garage by then.  But it seems like an old rule of thumb that if you're going to wash your car, it will rain.  This is why there are severe draughts in certain countries:  because they have no car washes.

We woke up late this morning, because we could.  Madison joined us in bed, and we slept in a bit.  This was a nice thing to do, sleeping in.  You should try it some time!  Seriously, it was such a relaxing morning - of course, when Daddy trudged downstairs, instantly Madison turned on the X-box:  she was ready for more of the Lego Game Movie.  The funniest thing about this game so far is the "Where's My Pants" station.  You can change your character's pants at one of these places, which does more than just change the color of your pants:  it gives you certain powers.  There was even an option to pay real money to download some more pants, such as these babies:  tornado pants.  Don't mess with a cowboy wearing tornado pants.  Just saying.

When we got home, Daddy didn't just want to play games.  Okay, he did.  But he used self-control, amazingly, and we got a few other things accomplished.  Or, at least Madison did:  she read about three for four more books for the reading program, including a few Fly Guy books.  And she did play "Moon Dreamer" about three or four more times too.  A few new things:  we returned to the TAG pen to play some games with the United States map.  She knows where a few states are already, such as Florida, Hawaii and New York.  But now she's starting to learn a few more states, thanks to today's activities.  The pen does well with different games that you can play - Madison learned a little about many of the states, but now she knows where Ohio is for sure.  That's where her uncle currently lives, and so she was interested in finding that out.

We ended the day with a bang.  Or, at least a bang-bang.  We started the movie "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang," because there are a few scenes we remember from that movie, and we thought it would be fun to watch a musical with Madison.  We popped the popcorn and sat down together for a movie - the ominous weather outside kept us from swimming tonight.  We heard the rumble of thunder and the flash of lightning as pop up showers formed around us.  But Madison's attention was on the movie - she enjoyed it - all the way up to the intermission.  We decided to make this a two-parter, where we'll continue the rest of the movie tomorrow night.  She's anxious to see what happens next - we haven't gotten to the part where the car actually flies.

It is a long movie though.  It takes them a really long time just to get the car.  But it's fun, and with this one and "Mary Poppins," we're hoping to introduce Madison soon to some musicals, which I just loved as a kid.  There are some classics out there, more memories for us with Madison.

Tonight, Madison and Mommy hid under the covers as Daddy showed up in the room to say goodnight.  They jumped out and screamed "BOO!"  This is what Madison does all the time, but the surprise tonight is that Mommy was in on it too.  We said our prayers, and were off to sleep pretty quickly today.  It was actually a full day, and a fun one too.  But we're pretty zonked.  We probably should have put on our tornado pants!

Pieces of Eight

Goodbye, seven.  Hello, eight!  Today is Madison's eighth birthday, which she's quite proud of:  eight is a lucky number in China, she says.  Indeed!  Today is a Sunday, so we of course started it out at church, where that luck was tested just a bit...

Here is Madison on stage in the big kids' service - that's Daddy's territory.  She and her friends in first grade sat with the older kids in the big auditorium for joint service this morning, and we did one feature that we always do:  the KidPak race.  This is an animated race with three characters, usually a boy versus a girl versus someone completely random.  We used a gladiator race from our Gladiators series some time ago, and it happens that the three racers are Nitro, Malibu and Gemini.  Yes, those are names of American Gladiators, that old show from the 90's.  That was a tongue-in-cheek thing we did there in reference to the gladiator name.  But the series itself was all about the book of Romans, and was a lot of fun to do.  ANYWAY, one of the Tribes in our current series is that of the Gladiators, and so this morning we did a Gladiator race to honor that group of kids (the second graders).  IT JUST SO HAPPENS that the female racer is named GEMINI, which only a few days ago Daddy discovered was the constellation of Madison's birth.  And here we are on her birthday, and she's told to choose a racer, and there's the girl named Gemini.  Of course, that's who she went with.  And of course, Gemini won and all the girls in the auditorium cheered.  But all the girls and boys did something else for Madison this morning:  all of KidPak sang "Happy Birthday" to Madison on her special day!

It was a great morning at church - we did a skit with a World Cup theme, which turned out really good.  The characters in the skit did a great job with the overall message, which was fun and solid, I thought.  Mommy put these costumes together last night - these athletes below are from the country of Luchadoria:

Soon, it was time to go though - it was Father's Day also.  Our church was offering chocolate covered bacon for the dads, but we all shared a bite:  it was okay.  I like bacon, and I love chocolate.  But this sort of chocolate covered bacon didn't necessarily mix well.  We didn't hate it, and in fact were glad to try it out.  BUT... it's not something we'd go out and intentionally order at a fine dining establishment!

Anyway, afterwards we went to Nana and Ye-Ye's house, because as I said earlier:  it was Father's Day.  But it was also Madison's birthday, of course - so there was all kinds of things going on for the family.  We got over there, and the state of the day apparently was MARYLAND.  The last few days Madison and Daddy have been going over a different state each day, covering New York and Texas.  We say Maryland for today, because that was what the food was:  crab and corn on the cob, and those big steam pots on the table.

There was so much crab to eat, it was ridiculous.  And it was all delicious.  The thing about this sort of meal is how long it takes to eat it, as each person was sitting there meticulously shelling each one and stockpiling and arsenal of crabmeat for the harvest.  But that's not a bad thing - it just meant more time to sit and talk with one another about this or that, about Father's Day and future plans, and about all the recent goings-ons.

But after that amazing meal, it was also time for cake!

Everyone sang Happy Birthday to Madison once again, and there was a cake to devour.  It had a "Frozen" theme to it, covered with white icing, and marshmallow snowmen.  Madison got several "Frozen" items for her birthday - no dress yet though.  That dress is apparently very hard to come by, and the laws of supply and demand have made it a pretty pricy item.  Think of the movie "Jingle All the Way," and you'll have a good idea about how capitalism works when it comes to Queen Elsa.  Still, we anticipate having that dress for Madison soon enough - I think Santa can arrange for her to have it under the tree, don't you?

In the meantime, the haul she got for her birthday was tremendous:  the Lego Movie video game was a big moment.  So was the Barbie movie "The Princess and the Popstar."  But all the "Frozen" figures and books were nice as well - in fact, Daddy already has to insert them in the reading program list as "yes, I've read that."

Thanks to the family, Madison got a lot for her birthday, and was quite content.  She spent much of the day playing with her cousin Hannah upstairs, but as soon as we got home, the X-box got turned on and it was time to try out the Lego Movie Game.  And for the rest of Madison's birthday, everything was indeed awesome.

How to Build Your Dragon

First things first - today we built a dragon.  In the pictures you see here, however, it's built slightly... wrong.  Blame that on Daddy.  For some reason, he was perplexed/challenged with the directions.  Maybe it was lack of sleep.  Or maybe he's just not that bright when it comes to anything related to carpentry.  Yet Madison is clearly not phased here.  Part of that is the joy of showing off her new creation.  The other part is the anticipation of getting another patch - we actually have thirteen patches on her apron now, each one an award for completing some build-it-yourself project at Lowe's.  This isn't quite the equivalent of girl scout badges, but for now it will have to do!

Here she is, posing with our friends that we met at Lowe's.  Both of these guys had help from their dad, and therefore built their dragons perfectly.  For the record, once Daddy got home, he fixed the dragon up, and now Toothless is quite happy to have fully operational wings.  Notice the shirts these guys are wearing, by the way?  This is the Porras family.  The dad has family in Colombia, which I am now spelling correctly for apparently the first time ever.  Note to everyone:  Colombia has no "u" in it.  At least, the country doesn't.

Anyway, moving on:  they're wearing these shirts because the World Cup is going on right now.  I don't know much about the World Cup, but have had fun learning about the Group of Death and some player they call the Atomic Flea.  The only thing I know about the last World Cup is that there were vuvuzelas all around, and they annoyed everyone a great deal.  In that vein, I went and bought a bunch of vuvuzelas to have.  You never know when that will come in handy.  Seriously.

So this year the World Cup is in Brazil, and it's a big deal to a lot of folks.  Hopefully, we can do something to get into the spirit of things - maybe play some soccer, or futbal.  Or at least play a soccer video game!  In the spirit of all this, Daddy actually wrote out a script for a skit we'll be doing tomorrow, based on the story from Numbers 13 with the spies, and the courageous tribe of Ephraim.  And, it has to do with soccer.  Or futball.

Anyway, here it is below:

KidPak Adventures:  Tribes
World Cup Edition

CUE SLIDE:  TEMPLE

CUE TRACK:  6 Champions Fanfare

NARRATOR:  “The World Cup is this week, as some of you may know.  Any World Cup fans out there?”

VUVUZELAS blow backstage.

ATOMIC FLEA enters, kicking soccer ball around on stage as NARRATOR speaks.  Carefully.  The kicking part, that is.

NARRATOR:  “Uh… yes.  Apparently there are.  But for those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, this is the big event, the world’s game, or just simply ‘the beautiful game.’  Every four years, all the countries of the world put their best teams together to win a game we here like to call …soccer.  Of course, to the rest of the world, it’s called futbal.  Say it with me:  futbal.”

ATOMIC FLEA (andaudience):  “Futbal!”

NARRATOR:  “The name futbal fits, because you can only use your feet.  Unlike the other football games here, where players carry around the ball with their…hands.  See how that works?  Anyway, this is a big deal.  Millions around the world are crazy about futbal.  Or soccer.  Or whatever you want to call it.”

CUE TRACK:  7 Kevin Beak’n

ATOMIC FLEA:  “Even me!”

NARRATOR:  “Ah yes, meet a World Cup hopeful.  He is from the tiny South American country of Luchadoria.”

ATOMIC FLEA:  “You may call me Reynaldo Ignacious San Hermais Villachez Maximus de Luchadoria.”

NARRATOR: “Or we could just call you Ray.  Ray is part of a team of soccer hopefuls – come on out, guys.”

CAST enters STAGE RIGHT.

NARRATOR:  “These guys have won a lot lately.  They’re no joke!”

RADIOACTIVE TICK:  “Yes, but this is a joke: Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team?”

CAST shrugs as NARRATOR answers:  “I don’t know, why?”

RADIOACTIVE TICK: “Because she ran away from the ball!”

CAST laughs, VUVUZELAS blow

ATOMIC FLEA:  “Which soccer player has the biggest cleats?”

CAST shrugs as NARRATOR answers:  “I don’t know, which?”

ATOMIC FLEA:  “The one with the biggest feet!”

CAST laughs, VUVUZELAS blow

NUCLEAR DUSTMITE:  “What runs around a soccer field – but doesn’t move?”

CAST shrugs as NARRATOR answers:  “I don’t know, what?”

NUCLEAR DUSTMITE:  “A fence!”

CAST laughs, VUVUZELAS blow

NARRATOR: “I apologize for that.  But as I said earlier, they are no joke.  But seriously, what is the secret to your success?”

RADIOACTIVE TICK:  “We’re blessed no matter where we’re put.  We just keep winning!”

NARRATOR:  “Ah, gracias!  This is in fact, the first lesson of the day.  No matter where you are put, God will bless you.  In fact, the eyes of the world were on them.  Would they advance forward to the Promised Land – to glory?”

ATOMIC FLEA: “ Come on guys, can we do it?”

CAST: “Yes we can!”

REF blows whistle

REF enters STAGE RIGHT quickly, holding up yellow card.

REF faces audience and announces call, while holding up yellow card.

REF: “Interference on play!”

RADIOACTIVE TICK:  “What?  What kind of call is that?”

REF:  “You guys seriously think you can play with the BIG leagues?  They call it the big leagues for a reason, amigos.  You’re about to compete in the GROUP OF DEATH.  Do you seriously think you have a shot?”

REF shakes his head at the ridiculous notion of this, and tromps off STAGE RIGHT.

NARRATOR:  “He’s got a point.  Guys, it’s over.”

ATOMIC FLEA:  “Did he say it’s over?  NOTHING IS OVER UNTIL WE DECIDE IT IS!  Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?”

NUCLEAR DUSTMITE:  “Germans?”

RADIOACTIVE TICK:  “Forget it, he’s rolling.”

ATOMIC FLEA: “We will swallow them up!  The Lord is with us – so nothing can save them!  Don’t be afraid of them!  Who’s with me!?!?”

ATOMIC FLEA shouts a battle cry (“For Narnia!”) and runs off stage RIGHT, followed by no one.  VUVUZELAS blow.  Yet RADIOACTIVE TICK and NUCLEAR MITE look at their feet, somewhat embarrassed, standing there on stage.

NARRATOR: “Only nobody followed.  This was sadly like an event in the Bible, where only Joshua and Caleb had courage to move into the Promised Land.  You see, fear holds you back – but faith moves you forward!  And these guys don’t have any faith, apparently.”

NUCLEAR MITE: (muttering) “Your mom doesn’t have any faith.”

NARRATOR:  “Don’t you talk about my momma that way!  Look, what’s your problem, Carlos Conseulos Villa Rica con Quistador?”

NUCLEAR DUSTMITE:  “You can call me Chuck.  Look, we can’t beat those people.  They’re stronger than we are.”

RADIOACTIVE TICK:  “The field they play on destroys those who play on it.  All of the people we saw there are very big and tall.  We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes.”

ATOMIC FLEA enters STAGE RIGHT again.

ATOMIC FLEA:  “Then change your way of thinking.  That is why I am called the Atomic Flea.  I may be small like a flea, but the God we serve… is HUGE. And He gives me POWER!”

RADIOACTIVE TICK:  “You’re right!  And from now on, people will call me …the Radioactive Tick!”

NUCLEAR DUSTMITE:  “And I shall be known as the Nucular Dustmite!”

NARRATOR: “Nuclear.”

NUCLEAR DUSTMITE:  “That’s what I said.  Nucular Dustmite!”

ATOMIC FLEA:  “Let’s take that cup!  Who’s with me?”

RADIOACTIVE TICK:  “For Narnia!”

NUCLEAR DUSTMITE, ATOMIC FLEA and RADIOACTIVE TICK confidently charge offstage with a battle cry.

NARRATOR: “And so together, filled with confidence they set out to do the impossible – to face down the giants and win that cup!”

VUVUZELAS blow.

NARRATOR:  “And in stirring fashion, of course they did.  Otherwise it wouldn’t be a happy ending with a moral that makes any sense.”

NUCLEAR DUSTMITE, ATOMIC FLEA and RADIOACTIVE TICK confidently charge onstage, wearing medals and carrying flowers.  RADIOACTIVE TICK is holding a red solo cup.

ATOMIC FLEA:  “We won the cup!  We won the cup!”

NARRATOR: “That’s the cup?”

NUCLEAR DUSTMITE:  “Yeah, what were you expecting?”

NARRATOR: “I don’t know, something a little more … grand?”

RADIOACTIVE TICK:  “It doesn’t get any grander than this, muchacho.”

RADIOACTIVE TICK takes a sip from his cup.

NARRATOR:  “Wait.  You’re actually drinking from the cup?  What’s in it?”

ATOMIC FLEA:  “Milk and honey.”

NARRATOR:  “Ah, the punch-line.  I see what you did there.  And so as this skit raps up, remember to be filled with confidence that God is with you, and you too can find your Promised Land filled with milk and honey.  It’s something you’ll get … wait for it… a kick out of.”

ATOMIC FLEA, RADIOACTIVE TICK and NUCLEAR DUSTMITE snicker at this terrible pun, as VUVUZELAS blow.

REF blows whistle

REF enters STAGE RIGHT quickly, holding up red card.

REF faces audience and announces call, while holding up red card.

REF: “Off sides!”

RADIOACTIVE TICK:  “What?  What kind of call is that?”

REF:  “That was totally weak.  All of you are out of here!”

REF guides CAST off stage.

NARRATOR:  “Uh-oh.  Clear violation of the rules there.  KidPak, thanks for joining us for Tribes.  Join us next week when we’re sure to have … a ball!”

REF blows whistle and glares in direction of sound booth, where it is presumed NARRATOR is.

REF:  “That’s enough of that!”

NARRATOR:  “Sorry.  The end.”

LIGHTS FADE as REF walks off STAGE RIGHT